Milestones in family ministry
Using life’s milestones to reflect on the faithfulness of God in your family.
At the end of last year my son went through two significant milestones. Firstly, he celebrated his 12th birthday, the end of childhood and the anticipation of the approaching teen years. His birthday also coincided with the end of the school term, and for him, the end of primary school and the anticipation of high school after the summer break.
To celebrate these two events, I adapted an idea which I’ve picked up from a number of different sources[1]. I booked out the back room of a local Japanese restaurant and invited 12 significant men from my son’s life to come and celebrate these milestones with him[2]. Represented in the 12 were his family (grandfather, uncle and myself), God-fathers, church pastors, youth group leaders, significant family friends, and a couple of close Christian peers.
Each of the group was encouraged to prepare a short letter or speech which was then read out after dinner. Each of the guests spoke about qualities that they saw in my son and spoke about the joys and challenges that will face him as he goes through the teenage years. Explicit in all of this was the fact that this community of men were committed to walking beside him in this journey, through adolescence, through high school and into maturity.
A dinner like this is an example of what Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin in their book Family Discipleship call a milestone. Outside of the regular rhythms of discipleship in the home—activities such as family reading of Scripture, prayer, church participation—milestones are those extraordinary moments that allow for extended reflection on the faithfulness of God in the life of your family.
“Milestones are those points in time that stick with you and your kids, and they offer you the chance to take special note of what God is doing in and through your family. Milestones make lasting memories together as a family of God and create things that help us remember so we won’t forget.”
There are many more opportunities for these milestones than 12th birthdays or the end of schooling. Examples may include annual birthdays and holiday celebrations such as Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. It may be the celebration of baptism or confirmation, parents wedding anniversary or annual holidays. It may be significant moments of increased responsibility such as first set of house keys, mobile phone, drivers license, or part time job. Milestones can also be thrust upon us, such as the anniversary of a loved one’s death or a significant medical event (Matt Chandler shares the significance for his family for every “scan day” when a new brain cancer scan comes back clear).
For each of these milestones, whether joyful, celebratory or somber, the focus is on the faithfulness of God in his love for us, his provision of our needs, and the provision of his Son Jesus to be our Lord and Redeemer. In the good times, we are using these “opportunities to point to God’s faithfulness in days that you are probably already celebrating”. And in the hard times, your children are “look[ing] to you to tell them truths that serve as a firm foundation when the storms of life assail them”.
For my son and his community of men, we have already booked in the same date for another Japanese dinner in 2026 where we can celebrate his 18th birthday and his graduation from high school. Under God’s good providence, I am prayerfully anticipating that during these next six years, this group of men have laughed, cried, rebuked, encouraged, corrected and comforted my son, all the while pointing to Jesus as the author and perfector of his faith.
As you think about the parents in your church, or your own families, what milestones can you encourage them to take hold of? What existing celebrations can be brought into alignment with a recognition of God’s faithfulness to families? What new milestones could families make that mark significant event—either of joy or sorrow—which become part of the rhythms of their Christian family life together?
[1] Various versions of this coming-of-age rituals and rites of passage can be found around the web. This version was adapted from ideas in Robert Lewis’ book Raising a Modern Day Knight and Darren Lewis’ work through Fathering Adventures.
[2] The 12 is representative of his age. It is not an intentional connection with the tribes of Israel or the disciples of Jesus. I suppose we could have re-enacted the last supper, but choosing a Judas from amongst the group might have been awkward.
