Discipling youth through identity struggles
20/03/23
My two-year-old son came to me adamantly, “Dad, we’ve got to go away from Jesus!”
“What do you mean?”, I said, silently freaking out.
“We’ve got to go away from Jesus” he repeated, “like Colin says” - Colin Buchanan (the writer of Christian songs for kids) that is.
“Ohhhh!” I said, realising with relief that he’d misheard some lyrics from the song, Birds Were Made for Flying, where Colin sings, “Go all the way with Jesus!”
That inner freakout I experienced over my son’s pronouncement about his faith is not an isolated incident. I’ve also experienced that same internal response when Christian youth I’ve worked with have casually said things like:
“I think I’m probably closest to being an agnostic. It’s the only option with intellectual integrity”;
“I’m just not sure I can be a Christian anymore”; and
“I’ve been looking into satanism”.
But while we’ll likely still experience the inner freak out, there is reason we can hold back our fears that the youth standing in front of us has just permanently abandoned their faith. Let me explain:
Identity Statuses
Developmental psychologist James Marcia talked about the idea of ‘Identity Statuses’ in young people forming identity[1]. He suggested that on any aspect of someone’s identity there are two key questions:
· have I explored this question of identity?; and
· have I decided on this question of identity?
Depending on the answers, they will land in one of the identity statuses below.
The issue might be whether they want to be a Christian, what their stance is on drinking, drugs, or sex outside marriage, where they sit on the political spectrum, or how they interact with any number of personal or ethical issues.
Identity Diffusion is where a young person has neither explored nor decided on a question of identity. They are floating along with no firm commitments and are highly susceptible to all kinds of influences.
Identity Foreclosure is where the identity decision has been consciously decided but without any significant wrestling. It may be an acceptance of the expectation of family or peer groups but because of the lack of exploration (as if they have blinkers on), this aspect of their identity may be fragile when significantly challenged.
Identity Achievement is where a commitment on an identity question has been made as a result of intense exploration and searching. Because of this, their identity commitment is more likely to be resilient when challenged.
Identity Moratorium is where a committed and firm decision is yet to be made but is characterised by exploration, wrestling, and trying out different things with regard to a question of identity. A person calls ‘time-out’ on a commitment while they figure things out.
Identity Moratorium and Faith
On the question of faith, this ‘time out’ may be characterised by doubts, questions, exploring different expressions of church and/or exploring different Christian ethical issues. This wrestling can be done from a position of faith for those already Christian or before a young person has become a Christian.
If we put it another way, Identity Moratorium, when applied to faith in young people, can be like a period of discernment. It’s a chance for young people to think deeply about their own faith as distinct from the faith of their family, their friends, or other influential people in their life (whether Christian or non-Christian). It’s an important step in young people having a faith that they commit to for themselves.
Identity Moratorium and Youth Ministry
Although Identity Moratorium can be experienced at many stages of life, Marcia points out it’s of particular importance for youth because of the adolescent quest for identity formation. Because of this it can be a helpful concept for discipling youth, much of which is about helping young people form their identity in Christ.
Here are three significant discipleship moments where Identity Moratorium may be a helpful concept.
Coming to Faith
What a joy when young people in our care express for the first time that they have decided to follow Jesus! For some new Christians there is a decisive point of commitment, for others, a gradual slide into firm faith. But for most, before that commitment is a long period of thinking, talking, questioning and wrestling. This is good. In fact, according to research by David Kinnaman and Mark Matlock, young people that have thriving and long-lasting faith on average decide to follow Jesus later. They say, ‘it appears that resilient disciples are more likely to make a decision to follow Jesus when they know what they are signing up for’.[2] Kinnaman and Matlock's assertions aren’t surprising when you consider how Jesus himself encourages people to exercise careful discernment and 'count the cost' when making a decision to follow him (Luke 14:25-33). Rushing the decision to follow Jesus or applying pressure to make a commitment risks shortcutting the wrestling period of moratorium. This may result in pushing people into a ‘blinkered’ faith (Identity Foreclosure) resulting in a more brittle and less resilient Christian identity.
Do
Intentionally disciple and engage in evangelism with young people.
Provide opportunities for young people to commit to following Jesus.
Don’t
Rush or pressure young people into committing to Jesus.
Express disappointment when young people aren’t ready to commit to Jesus.
Experiencing Suffering or Doubts
According to one youth ministry research project[3], 7 out of 10 kids in high school have significant doubts about God and faith. Despite what we might think, these doubts can be linked to a more mature faith long term! But the key for this, under God, is that young people have ‘opportunities to express and explore doubts’.[4]
These doubts can be expressions of Identity Moratorium with regards to faith. They can be intellectual or personal and sometimes come because a young person is suffering. Over-reacting to doubts can make young make people anxious to resolve the doubts before they’ve been wrestled with. Ignoring, dismissing, rushing or never returning to conversations about these significant questions is a missed opportunity for young people to broaden and deepen their faith. This can result in a shallower and more fragile faith, long term.
Do
Communicate and model that doubts are an expected part of faith (including acknowledging when you have wrestled with doubts personally).
Provide opportunities for young people to wrestle deeply with challenges to the Christian faith.
Be willing to say, ‘I’m not sure, but I’m willing to try to find out with you’.
Don’t
‘Freak out’ when young people experience doubt.
Dismiss or minimise the seriousness of young people’s doubts.
Give simplistic answers when young people are questioning faith.
Identity Struggles
While young people can wrestle with forming identity on purely spiritual questions, so much of their faith identity formation happens as their faith rubs up against all the identity questions of life.
Will I care about academics?
Will I focus on being creative?
Does popularity matter to me?
What kind of people should I spend time with?
What about my family do I want to embrace and what do I want to shed?
How will I dress? How won’t I dress?
What kind of person might I want to end up with?
How will I interact with people different to me?
What will I do with my life?
What do I like or dislike about myself?
Young people will wrestle with any number of these identity questions during and after adolescence. They’ll try on different identities or aspects of identity. They’ll think, question, argue, brood, make pronouncements and observe people’s reactions to them. They’ll say or do things that may seem outlandish or crazy or even scary.
Some of these will be compatible with faith. Some of them won’t. But many of these behaviours are very much associated with a period Identity Moratorium. As such, they are not necessarily permanent changes to or statements about who they are as a person.
Do
Empathise with the complexity of young people’s lives.
Ask young people to ‘Tell me more’ and listen to what they are going through.
Look for appropriate opportunities to talk about how God’s word speaks into the situation that young people are struggling with at that time.
Remain committed to young people as they go through struggles.
Don’t
Talk about young people behind their back.
Distance yourself from young people when they say crazy things.
Despair when young people ‘try on’ new aspects of identity.
What About Discipling Young People?
It would be easy to think that this concept of Moratorium means just leaving young people alone with big questions to emerge at some point in the future with a solid and resilient sense of identity. But in fact, parents, family friends, youth leaders and other mentors can play a very significant role during a young person’s time-out.
In fact, one Youth Ministry researcher cites her work with Chap Clark[5] in this podcast, where she says that the closest thing they found to a ‘silver bullet’ to resilient faith post high-school, was the presence of intergenerational discipleship during youth. That is, when young people have a number of mentors interested in and guiding them in discipleship, they are more likely to develop a resilient sense of their identity in Christ.
It would be a mistake to think that youth should be left without help to navigate these crucial questions of identity, particularly as they relate to the Christian faith. On the contrary, the patient, present and persevering youth leader or parent with the word of God and the love of Jesus ready to hand is precisely what young people need to tread the unstable ground of identity formation.
How might the concept of Identity Moratorium impact on the way you disciple young people going through identity formation?
[1] Marcia JE (1966), Development and Validation of Ego Identity Status. Journal of Personal and Social Psychology
[2] Kinnaman and Matlock, Faith for Exiles, p61
[3] Powell and Clark, Sticky Faith, p143-145
[4] Powell, Mulder and Griffin, Growing Young p157
[5] Powell and Clark, Sticky Faith
